Hi medical students and fans of Nurse Florence's caring tips for Christmas. I am delighted to be able to help you out this festive season with a few simple tips for all you carers out there who may be saddled with a malingering good for naught hanging around your surgical gown as you are basting the turkey and preparing the mulled pies and minced wine.
Tip 1: A sharp clip to the back of the head with the (previously warmed) bedpan. More often than not this will teach the patient the error of their ways before any symptoms really emerge.
Tip 2: A good dose of laxative in the minced pies can remind the patient of the need to drink regularly and not to spend too long resting in any one place.
Tip 3: A raw chilli placed under the tongue (a good pretence is to prepare the patient with talk of a thermometer) will soon have the ne'redowell rushing around like a picture of health.
Tip 4: A critical one this, pay absolutely no attention whatsoever to the patient at any time. This is really vital as any fuss will merely prolong their problems. I find loud music and even leaving the room will help you in avoiding any eye contact or direct conversation. If you must converse limit yourself to sign language.
Remember, avoid any sympathy (as this only encourages them) and take care of yourself: liberal applications of food and wine are key to the really effective maintenance of medical care. I myself find a pint of sherry and a dozen mince pies helps one to care. Indeed sometimes one or two doses of this support and I almost forget the patient altogether.
So remember my tips students and critically... no sympathy!
Monday, 22 December 2008
Posted by Cowboys and Custard at 6:41 pm